forever

to lose someone you love
is to alter your life forever
~ Jeanette Winterson

Some can walk through grief on their own, others cannot. Some have lasting support from their friends and family, sadly most do not. For some reason, those outside have a very short interest span regarding others grief. Those outside, wish the grieving to buck up and get over it very quickly. So most of us that are grieving, are not only suffering a tremendous loss of a loved one, but also the loss of a caring circle around us.

I found a wonderful grief support group a couple of months after my father passed away. A place where I could cry and sob and talk with other women sharing the same painful journey.

Tomorrow night is our last meeting. I am so grateful to have had their support and friendship the past six months. We are having a pot luck and we were asked to bring a favorite of our loved ones. I'm making ginger cookies, my dad's favorite cookies. Well that is if I'm not sick tomorrow - not feeling good today. WAH!

Today I made a little card to attach to their goodie bags. This is only the second time I made something since my father died and my gosh, it felt good to do something a wee bit creative.

I can no other answer make, but,
thanks and thanks.
~ William Shakespeare

So thank you so very much to our group of eight (+ one, our lovely and loving facilitator) for all of your listening and hand holding and sharing of resources and of late, lots of giggles. We are moving forward together. Thanks and thanks!

Modern Screen

November and December 1936 issues of Modern Screen.
The advertisements are especially hilarious, so much fun!
Will try to share some of the inside down the road.

Happy Friday!

vintage stufferoonie

I've found such funny stuff at my parents house! Here's a keeper, "New Easy-Way Conditioner" booklet from Jack La Lanne. Look at how young he is!

Barbie Magazine from 1965 with Skipper and Skooter and Ricky - I don't remember poor Ricky at all but I did have both Skipper and Skooter!

Sorry, I'm a techno-know-nothing and I don't know how to "stitch" or whatever it's called so I couldn't get a complete scan of this darling children's book from 1950 (which means it was my brother's book). Darling illustrations and some of the cut outs are still left inside the book.

A program from a screening of "The Greatest Show on Earth" - I don't know if this was for the premier of the movie or if you were able to purchase programs for other showings long ago???

EGBOK

Yoo hoo! It's me ... over here ... yes, you aren't imaging things, I am actually posting to my blog!

First off, thank you to everyone who has continued to think of me and send their best wishes to me during this difficult time. I so appreciate your care and friendship, it buoys my sagging spirit to no end.

For the longest time I was too sad to post and too busy to post and now that life is beginning to weigh a teeny tiny bit less heavy on me, I'm not sure what to write. At all.

I guess the first order of business is to explain my post title, huh?!

I have been in the doldrums of late over our remodel project of my dad's house - the road has been bumpy and long and fraught with missteps. Our contractor is a nincompoop par excellence and his less than great workmanship has brought me to tears several times. WAH!

Anyway, so EGBOK came into my mind yesterday. It was a promotional tag line for a radio program here in Los Angeles many years ago and it means "Everything's gonna be OK" - a motto and reminder I need to tape to my mirror and everywhere else these days and take to heart.

Origin of EGBOK

My second (equally odd) choice teehee was TOAS-TITE. Has anyone else ever had a Toas-tite?

My mother made us Toas-tite sandwiches when I was little - white bread and Velveeta bwahhahhaha, placed in the Toas-tite on the stove. I thought they were the yummiest sandwiches in the whole world.

Well I found my mom's Toas-tite, obviously very much used and so far, even though it's so sorrowful to look it, I can't seem to let go of it.

(geez, it looks like my mom never cleaned the thing, doesn't it?!)

I found a site about it (well of course! is there anything left out there that hasn't been written about on the internet?!):
Toas-tite recipes



I'm taking photos of all the things that were dear to me but have no room for in my tiny, already busting at the seams house. First up, cooking utensils for my vintage-loving friends.

AND, I have come down with a hefty Pinterest addiction bwahhahhaha. I've found a few of you, my blogging friends, out there, pinning too - so nice to see familiar names and faces.

Please leave your Pinterest address so I can visit you if you feel like it!

Looking forward to hearing what you've been up to!

Sally

It's all so Mickey Mouse

(please visit Suzanne at Colorado Lady for more Vintage Thingie Thursday fun!)

I saw Suzanne's post today for Vintage Thingie Thursday and although I should be doing (many!!!) other things, I just had to contribute some of the mickey mouse stuff that I've found up at my parents house recently.

Please forgive me, my dear VTT friends, I won't be able to visit all of you and make comments today as I have done in the past. I am so overloaded with my father's Estate and I hope you will understand. I did want to share these things with you though as I've had so much fun participating in VTT and enjoyed all of you so much and miss you.

If you're a child of the fifties and sixties, you may well remember these things ...

My mom saved (almost) everything and here are my brother's Mickey Mouse bath toys, which were handed down to me. Gosh, I loved these so much at bath time!



Boy my brother was a lucky kid! He also had this fun Mickey Mouse Club Newsreel Camera.



Sadly it's missing a leg and won't stand up anymore ... sniffle sniffle boo hoooooooo


I also found two issues of my brothers Walt Disney's Magazine (formerly the Mickey Mouse Club Magazine), which I'll share down the road but I wanted to share two merchandise ads with you today since they have MM in them.

(I came across my brothers Mickey Mouse Club membership card and have no idea where I put it among the gazillion of boxes - hopefully it will resurface soon!)

Who's the leader of the club
That's made for you and me
M-I-C-K-E-Y M-O-U-S-E
Hey! there, Hi! there, Ho! there
You're as welcome as can be
M-I-C-K-E-Y M-O-U-S-E

Mickey Mouse!

Mickey Mouse!

Forever let us hold our banner
High! High! High! High!

Come along and sing a song
And join the jamboree!
M-I-C-K-E-Y M-O-U-S-E

Mickey Mouse club
We'll have fun
We'll be new faces
High! High! High! High!

We'll do things and
We'll go places
All around the world
We'll go marching

Who's the leader of the club
That's made for you and me
M-I-C-K-E-Y M-O-U-S-E
Hey! there, Hi! there, Ho! there
You're as welcome as can be
M-I-C-K-E-Y M-O-U-S-E

Mickey Mouse!

Mickey Mouse!

Forever let us hold our banner
High! High! High! High!

Come along and sing a song
And join the jamboree!
M-I-C-K-E-Y M-O-U-S-E

Happy Vintage Thingie Thursday!

A belated Memorial Day remembrance

My maternal grandfather and his Swedish parents.

How do you like the length of my great grandmothers skirt?
And how about that mustache on my great grandfather?!
It's as big as a push broom!

Oh my gosh, the things I am finding!

I wish I had found these for a Memorial Day post ... my grandfather was in the Navy in WWI, on the USS Minnesota.

I found this on Wikipedia ...

On 6 April 1917, as the United States entered World War I, Minnesota rejoined the active fleet at Tangier Sound, Chesapeake Bay, and was assigned to Division 4, Battleship Force (BatDiv 4). During the war, she was assigned as a gunnery and engineering training ship, cruising off the middle Atlantic seaboard until 29 September 1918. On that date, 20 mi (30 km) from Fenwick Island Light, she struck a mine, apparently laid by U-117. Suffering serious damage to the starboard side, but with no loss of life, she managed to reach Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, where she underwent five months of repairs. On 11 March 1919, she put back to sea as a unit of the Cruiser and Transport Force. Assigned to that force until 23 July, she completed three round trips to Brest, France to return over 3,000 veterans to the United States.

I found these holiday menu cards my GF had kept from Thanksgiving and Christmas of 1918, holidays occurring after Armistice Day and I gather from the Wikipedia passage, the USS Minnesota was back at home in the States for those holidays, having struck a mine and returned for repair.

Those were days for celebration, we had won the war, the war to end all wars. WWI.

(Proclamation by President Woodrow Wilson)

(I chopped off my grandfather's name for privacy from the peeping Tom's
of the internet. I wonder who he was extending his compliments of the season to?)


(He even saved his cocktail napkin - yeah Grandpa!)

Later on, the USS Minnesota went to Europe and my Grandfather to Paris, specifically. I've found a ton of postcards from Paris that my GF brought home with him, showing the devastation in France.

He also brought home some books issued to him about Paris. I find this one rather odd in it's "up" attitude about our A.E.F. getting the most out of Paris in their short time there. Pointing out restaurants, theaters, etc., seems so very strange juxtaposed next to the heartbreak and ruin and rubble.

Forget me not

(I found this lovely book at my parents house. When I can figure
out how to take pictures of the illustrations inside, I will share them.)

I am of two minds - I curse the mountains of things I have to go through at my parents house but mostly, I celebrate.

My history is buried there and I feel as though I am meeting my own life for the first time. Precious photos of love and family, remembrances of friendship and loyalty, tug at my heart.

I am the keeper of the flame now, the passer on of stories. How I wish I had listened harder, had asked more questions, delved deeply into the lives of those who came before.



I found this really rather beat up photo of my great grandmother yesterday, taken in Redwood Falls, Minnesota (only the slightest evidence of this fact is left, the "alls, Min"). It is water stained and taped together and taped together again. Instead of being discarded, it was held onto dearly.

After my mother's mother passed away in the nineteen sixties, this charming and much beloved sampler below, came to live in our home. It was stitched by my great grandmother (pictured above), I was thinking as a young girl all this time but I just noticed that her initials are for her married name. She was married in 1892, so it could be as old as that, or more recent. Oh, how I wish there was a date on it!!!



It has the sweetest little verse ... probably seen on a bazillion samplers, but it was new to me.

dear little house
dear shabby street
dear books and beds
and food to eat
how feeble words
are to express
the facets of
your tenderness

nature or nurture

One of the fun items and treasures I've found at my Dad's house is this small cigar tin of recipes from my mother's family. It appears to have been begun by my great grandmother and then added to by my grandmother.

So it must be hereditary, the very tapestry of my being, this love of recipes and recipe collecting ... and some occasional cooking bwahahhahha!

The most fun was finding this Nestle's wrapper with a "new recipe" for Toll House Chocolate Cookies!!! OH! I love me some warm chocolate chip cookies ... mmmmmmmmm! I am guessing this wrapper is about seventy + years old ... since it says the recipe is "new" and the instructions state to chop the chocolate bar - chocolate chips had not been invented yet.

Imagine that, a world without chocolate chips. WOW!

Early American

I finally (well I should give credit where credit is due - the intrepid husband found them AND he also found my great grandmother's baby doll! More about that down the road - she's like a giant Frozen Charlotte or whatever the name of those china doll heads you see everywhere now.) found a box of my mother's recipe clippings up at the house. They used to be in a kitchen drawer but living in their former home, was now a huge quantity of kitchen towels (too funny! my mother must have had the worlds largest collection of those relentlessly teehee cheerful, kitchen towels with bunnies and teddy bears, etc.).

I have been searching high and low for her recipe clippings and EUREKA, found at last. I have been longing to find them, hoping that perhaps some of my fraternal grandmother's recipes might be amongst them. Please please please. Let my grandmother have granted her daughter-in-law, her favorite and most oft requested recipes!

(Don't you hate when people won't share a good recipe?! Especially when it's family! What's up with that?!)

I've only begun looking through the box and it's so much fun. I found an envelope marked "house ideas" in my mother's handwriting.

My mother had champagne taste on a beer budget as they used to say. Probably the most frequently uttered words in my childhood home were "We can't afford it" and "When my ship comes in".

Many spare moments were passed dreaming over home decor magazines, oohing and awing, and visits to fine stores to window shop and dream some more.

My second childhood home, (the first having only been for a couple of years and having left no mark on my memory), was where my mother lived out her Early American dream. Early American furniture was all the rage when I was a kid. I found these pages that my mother had saved and sniffled and weeped with joy.

We had a Dry Sink, like the one featured in two of the images below ... which is still at my father's house (my third childhood home), which I am hoping to find room for in my house. (Along with a piece my mother called a Dough Box - so wonderful!). There is also a table/desk and a coffee table but I don't see how I can fit four pieces into my house that is the size of a closet?!

For some reason my memory tells me that the pieces are "real" antiques, not reproductions - I seem to remember, my mother and I visiting a man who sold antiques here in the Valley in Southern California. Could that be true??? Surely my memory must be faulty?!

Any ideas on how I find out?

(The dry sink pictured in this photo to the left of the stove, is very much like my mom's,
except for the latch. The credit states that this one above was made by Lane.)

(Here's a better photo of the dry sink from another publication, isn't it CUTE?!)

(We had lots of chairs like the one in the forefront on the right,
my mother called them Captains Chairs.)

Thanks so much for hanging in there with me! You're the best!
Wishing you all a very Happy Monday!

Look what I found

sigh ...

I miss my Dad.

I miss my life. It seems so very long ago now that I had my own life.

My days are consumed with my father's Estate and my utter and complete lack of knowledge in that arena. Hit a major bump this week with a whackadoo of an attorney that had to be dismissed. Long story.

My parents never got rid of anything, so there is much digging and sifting going on up at the house. Tons of old business brochures, invoices, etc., but I dare not just heave the lot, for treasure has been found lurking in the most unlikely of places. WAH! So very tedious and time consuming.

On Monday, I was shifting some books around - I thought I had already gone through all the books, but no, wait, what is this???! Another bit of gold, tucked away.

I found this wooden book and I thought it must be a souvenir from our trip to Yosemite when I was eleven years old, which would have been grand but it turned out to be even better!

I found the visitors diary from my maternal grandparents cabin in Washington. Sadly there are only a few pages of entries and most of the handwriting is so very pale, blending into the paper now. But oh! It makes my heart glad! Seeing family members names and family friends names, that I remember hearing stories about in my childhood.

(love this entry ... "A wonderful chicken dinner, a swell time. Thanks so much.")

For all the finding of stuff, there are things that sill elude me. I cannot find my mother's grandmother's baby doll, I cannot find the quilt my mother was making me or the quilted pillows she had made. I fear my father must have given things away without asking me.

But I did find the ceramic donkey that held buttons all my growing up years and up to my mother's passing. I found him "buttonless" and underneath the bathroom sink, half a house length from his real home in my parents house.

I think he owes his sad fate to the first two housekeepers my father had after my mom died. Two charming ladies, sisters-in-law, who not only were great maids, but would move things about and decorate and cheer up the house for my father. Little did they know that they were messing with my memories and would create a search for me of some nearly fifteen years to find this beloved object of my childhood.

Alas, he is now packed away in one of the GAZILLION boxes in my poor little eleven hundred square foot cracker box of a house. (My house resembles a warehouse these days. WAH!) When I find him again, I will take a photo and post it.

Hope this finds everyone well and happy! I miss you all! Thank you so much for hanging in there with me.

Somehow the days pass

I'm finding each day so very hard. Every morning I am filled to overflowing with anxiety and I feel my heart break all over again.

My father's girlfriend moved out sometime early this morning. She didn't want us to come up and say goodbye to her, she wanted to be alone, leave quietly and shut the door on all the sadness.

We saw her yesterday and said our goodbyes, she of the stalwart, smiling face and me of the weeping mess.

She had grown to be a symbol for/facsimile of, my Dad to me the past six weeks and with her departure came the reality (once again) that my Dad is truly gone.

I do not know how people make it through such heartbreak.

And yet I also know that I have made it through myself before when my brother and mother passed away nine months apart. Something that I never thought I would get past, that the pain would never diminish, and somehow it did. I know it now.

So they must be right, that time heals. Broken hearts. Somehow.

I will try to hang onto that.

Happy Easter!

Long time no PEEP (hardy har har Easter jokie for you guys teehee! ... I know, GROAN!) out of me, I know! It's been so long that I had to put on my thinking cap and squinch up my face really hard to remember my password for my blog.

I've really been struggling a lot and haven't wanted to dump it all here on my blog. Please know I think of you all often and miss you. And I wanted to check in and say Hello and wish everyone a very Happy Easter!

I decided to "holiday-i-fy" a bit in the hopes of lifting my spirits ... you know, pretend as if and perhaps it will be. So the photo above is the bottom of my Easter feather tree but good grief, I couldn't get a decent picture of the rest to save my life. I am extremely camera challenged, woe is me.

I've invited my family to my father's country club for Easter Brunch, we've been going the past eight years or so - the club graciously said they'd love to have us, they all loved my Daddy. So it will be one last time there for us, at the place he loved so much.

Oh my gosh, the things I am finding up at my dad's house!!! I am fixed for life with items for Vintage Thingie Thursday! I found these two Easter cards to my father, from my brother and I ... given before I could write my own name as my brother has signed both of our names.

Wishing you all a wonderful Easter (hope those on Spring Break are having lots of fun!), hoping you can gather all your dear ones close and hold them near this holiday week.

I'm not sure what to write anymore

I thought I'd write a little Hello post to all of you but somehow words are few and hard to find.

There was a lovely turnout for my father's funeral, lots of his friends from the business world, telling "Bob" anecdotes. It meant so much to be with his friends and hear how respected and beloved he was.

My father had told me he wanted his girlfriend to be able to remain in his house for six months after he passed away, so that she had time to regain her equilibrium and move to her property she has in another state.

Well ... she's decided to leave the Friday after Easter!!!

ACK!

So I'm pretty much bonkers over here, between being heartbroken and grieving, little (!) sleep, having to visit lawyers, etc., I'm now having to pick the girlfriends brain for answers to things I need to know before she leaves.

You'll find me curled up into a ball and rocking in the corner ...

I've begun going through the stuff in the house ... my mom and dad never threw anything away, so it's a slow, memory-laden, sorting out and untangling, mess, er, task. The good news is that some missing family movies were finally found. YIPPIE!

If you're still out there, a big thank you for hanging in there with me and I hope this finds you all well and happy! Hoping I can catch up with you soon and hear all of your news.

nighty night

I just about fainted yesterday when I found this note I had written my dad long long ago when I was six or something?! It was especially poignant since with every evening visit or call to him in the hospital (and many during the daytime, since he was dozing so much), I would say to my dad, "Nighty night Dad, sleep tight".

A few hours from now I will be leaving for my dad's funeral. One young man is coming all the way from the East Coast for it - my father had recently mentored him and he's coming to say thank you.

Nighty night Pop, I love you ...

Death is nothing at all.
I have only slipped away to the next room.
I am I and you are you.
Whatever we were to each other,
That, we still are.

Call me by my old familiar name.
Speak to me in the easy way
which you always used.
Put no difference into your tone.
Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.

Laugh as we always laughed
at the little jokes we enjoyed together.
Play, smile, think of me. Pray for me.
Let my name be ever the household word
that it always was.
Let it be spoken without effect.
Without the trace of a shadow on it.

Life means all that it ever meant.
It is the same that it ever was.
There is absolute unbroken continuity.
Why should I be out of mind
because I am out of sight?

I am but waiting for you.
For an interval.
Somewhere. Very near.
Just around the corner.

All is well.

~Henry Scott Holland

Making memory boards

I hope this finds you all well!

I've been a busy bee over here making memory boards and a quick scrapbook of photos for dad's funeral tomorrow.

Thank you so much for all of your kind words, I so appreciate them.